Still haunt me. Here we are almost five years later and the ripple effects of this tragedy are still appearing. The sum total of all of it are still today continuing to destroy my family and likely will as long as we all live.
The split second decision to deem this murder/suicide --made by the investigating officers of The Paulding County Sheriff's Department in the middle of a gruesome and horrific crime scene was decided based solely on the personal opinions of the officers on call that day. Circumstantial evidence that would never fly under any other circumstances. Loose ends that were never addressed. Hard evidence that was ignored. Forensic evidence that was never collected. Not one ounce of proof was given to us. Not one ounce of proof was ever found. And no one cared. They were the police. We argued. We begged. We pestered. To no avail. They had the only say in it. It was their job but they chose not to do it. They assumed it wasn't important. He was dead. He couldn't dispute it and they didn't have to follow standard protocol. Brian wasn't important. We, his family weren't important. The fallout they left with that decision has ruined to the point of no return, our entire family. "This" this horrific and unimaginable loss would have been alone, enough to destroy us but that along with this horrific, biased and blatant injustice - has pretty much finished us off.
I have given them the benefit of the doubt which is far beyond what they ever gave Brian. I can imagine the horror that they all walked into that day. I know it was awful. It was mind-boggling. It was devastating. It was a scene that would have caused many of them nightmares for years to come. And I can absolutely understand how they could have come to that opinion early on. Forty one year old man, beautiful, younger woman, two year old child all shot to death and the only one that was not in his bed was Brian. I am not blind. I can certainly see that the devastating scene would be enough to make you angry and make you want to jump to the obvious conclusion; call it like you see it and get out of there as quickly as possible. I get it. I do.
What I have a problem with is the fact that had he been alive, standing there holding the smoking gun things would have been far different. He would have been read rights - because he would have rights. He would have had the right to an attorney to defend him. He would have been allowed a trial by jury. He would have had the chance to enter a plea and tell his side of the story. They would have done a complete and thorough investigation albeit in the attempt to prove his guilt not his innocence. But my point is they would have had to prove it; something they didn't feel necessary since he was also dead and couldn't defend himself. They would have held interviews to get to know him and what he was like. They would have talked people on his job, long time friends, neighbors close by, they would have interviewed his family and come to know him through the people that knew him.
Had he been alive to deny it regardless of what they saw when they arrived - they would have had to follow up on the open ground floor window and check for shoe prints, finger prints, evidence of tampering with the lock. They would have searched for any and all of the physical evidence on the scene, carefully logged it and sent it to the state crime lab for analysis. They would have dusted for fingerprints. They would have checked his and her computers, phone records, email trails, text messages they would have searched extensively for hard evidence of a motive. They would have made certain they had all of the spent shell casings and done a ballistics test on the gun and those shell casings. Perhaps they would have had an expert to analyze the blood spatter, a forensic expert to check the gun powder residue or the blood on his clothes to see if it matched the victims blood. Had they found drugs in the home - he would have had a toxicology test immediately and all drugs would have been carefully logged and become evidence in the case.
These are only fair. These alone are the puzzle pieces that create the picture. These are the protocol of our justice system. If they were going to accuse him of a crime as serious as murder - they would have to have hard evidence --even if they walk in and find a suspect standing over the body and holding the gun. It may be their educated opinion that he did it but that would not hold up in court. While our justice system is not foolproof and it is certainly not perfect, in the vast majority of cases, it is fair and it works. All I ever asked for; all I ever expected --was just the same investigation they would have given anyone - basically that they just do their jobs and not let our lives be totally destroyed based on their clearly and maybe even justifiably, biased opinions.
I am now and have always been aware of the fact that this - none of this - would ever make sense. I understood fully that I may never know the why behind any of this and that I would likely never find "closure". But I never asked the Sheriff's office to guarantee me "closure". I only wanted Brian to have a fair trial even if their evidence had shown the exact same outcome. No, it would not have brought them back, it would not have made losing my children any easier, it would not have brought me or my family a happy ending. And I never thought it could. But it would have given us the truth to the best of their abilities. Truth we could see. Truth that would have provided some proof to us. It would have given me the ability to sleep at night knowing I had done all I could in my power to see to it that he was given the benefit of the doubt in a fair and complete investigation. I may have not spent the last four and a half years angry as I personally obsessed over all of the evidence that pointed to someone else being in that house that night. Perhaps I would not have been constantly running everyone he ever knew past a "perk" test for motives and to see who fit the criteria and who did not; placing them all on my personal list of suspects, turning it over and over in my mind and grieving over all of the evidence that was right there and could have helped in a fair determination but knowing that it can now never prove or disprove anything because it was destroyed without ever having been considered. I could have perhaps by now been able to find peace, sleep at night, enjoy holidays again, have hope and find the will to live. Perhaps I would still have the security I once had in law enforcement and believe again in our justice system. Perhaps my entire family would not have been totally destroyed by the lingering anger over the unfairness and injustice that plagues every one of us now and regrets we will all live with forever.
Had he lived and they needed to actually prove his guilt - things would have been very, very different and that is not right. When the truth was never pursued it was an insult and an injustice to all of them. Because he was not living he did not matter. And because we were related to him, we did not matter so none of us were allowed to question or dispute their personal opinion. And because of that the memory and legacy of the best father I ever knew, along with the rest of our entire family was destroyed. Of the irreparable damage that was inflicted on us August 24th 2014 only part of it was caused by the loss and our loss was multiplied ten times by the injustice caused by The County Sheriff's Department that day-- The very ones hired to "Protect and Serve".
If it could happen to anyone it could happen to everyone.
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