I had the weirdest exchange take place between me and a "friend" from church the other day. I mistakenly assumed a church friend might be one to call when you needed a little support. So I texted and told her I almost called her the day before because I was so down and really needed someone to talk to. Her answer left me feeling far worse than before I contacted her.
This was how she responded:
I don't mind listening "but" I hesitate to give suggestions. I have found that when someone talks, their perception is what is told. Facts can only be learned by carefully worded questions. I'm not smart enough for that besides, I'm too empathetic."
Huh?
She offered no further explanation. I concluded that she assumed I was going to talk about the kids. She "supposedly" does not know what happened just that I lost them tragically. I have never told her - I'd also bet many thousands of dollars that she actually does know.
So what exactly do you say to this? I assumed, A. She DID NOT want to talk to me about any problem, either physical, spiritual, emotional or otherwise.
So to just back out of any plea for help, and let her gracefully off the hook I said "Not that I really expected anyone could actually help. I just needed a friend I guess."
She said: "I understand."
THAT ended the text exchange.
Not another word; not - Hey, I'm your friend. I may not have all the answers and I may not can help at all but I can listen and be there for you.
Nope. Just "I understand." No. It is I that understands. Completely.
It absolutely devastated me. I felt like she had just slapped me cold in the face. I really did. I cried and have been upset by it for days. And my first instinct was to quit the church as crazy as that sounds.
Six years later - Really? Again, I might as well have called the suicide prevention hotline and been put on hold!
