I had a revelation last night. A revelation about a dream that I dreamed over 50 years ago. One might wonder how you could or would still think about or recall a dream you had 50 years ago. But that was one I will never forget. It was a scary, terrifying recurring dream that I had for months. Some might say it felt like a premonition. I did. So the dream tormented me for years wondering what the dream was trying to warn me of. Months and months I was afraid of falling asleep afraid I'd have the dream again. It was clear that it had an evil connotation to it. Problem was I did not know of what.
I dreamed I was way off somewhere walking down an old dirt road that ran alongside a railroad track. Suddenly the road disappeared and there was only track and the track at this point started over a long train trestle that crossed over a wide rocky river below. I surveyed the bridge and knew that I needed to be on the other side. No train in sight I set out across the trestle ever conscious of the raging white water below. About the time that I had reached the halfway point of the trestle I heard it. The low long whistle of a train. I look behind me and quickly calculate that either way will take me longer to reach than the time it will take the train to reach me. I look up and see the single huge round engine light off in the distance flashing between the trees as it barrels toward me at an alarming speed.
I look down at my only other option. It is not a good one. Big wide river, swift water rushing loudly over an endless sea of huge rocks.
I look up the train is closing in fast. I know running back is useless it will over take me long before I reach the end of the trestle. Down - white water, rock and certain death awaits. These are my choices. I can feel my hands are clammy. My breath coming now in shallow spurts. I am shaking, panting, terrified and I do not know what to choose and truthfully it doesn't matter. Both choices result in the same outcome but I stand there frozen and I can't choose. I realize that "not choosing" is choosing but I can't move. I hear the steel of the train's wheels strain and squeal with a loud screeching noise as the engine reaches the trestle. I am running.
Suddenly I'm awake.
Thank God. Sweating. Heart racing. Shaking uncontrollably. It was just a dream.
But it was not just a dream. It was such a terrifying dream that I did not want to go back to sleep for fear of being taken back there again.
I was disturbed over the dream for days and days. And just as I began to let go of it and feel I could rest again. I had the dream again. Exactly like before. Again I woke up just in time. Again I was seriously disturbed for days. Weeks. And this continued on for months.
Last night for the first time I realized that I now know the choice I made.
Four years ago I had that choice before me in reality. I wanted to choose to jump into the rolling waters and not face the blunt force of the train but I stood frozen and so the full force of the 100-car freight train plowed through my life...
