What helps...

I've read somewhere in the neighborhood of 100 grief-related books in the past four years - and what I have been able to glean from them that has most helped me --is the advice to help others that are grieving. 

The bible says you have been given this experience and you should not waste your pain. But to pass on what you have learned and provide the type of help that has been provided for you.

Very few understand a grieving person's pain and way too many walk away because they don't know what to say or do. 

So you go.  You help.  You just be there.  You can relate better and you have tools you can share. 

Here are a few things you can do:

1.  Be there to walk alongside them.  
2.  Give them your hard-earned sage advice. Tell them what has helped you.  Then help them get started.  
3.  Send them cards. Call them. Text them.  Email them.  Just don't ignore them.
4.  Give them the books that have helped you most.  Help cut through the mountain of crap out there and give them the ones you've found that are worth reading.
5.  Go walk with them.  It gets them out of the house, out of the closet or out of the bed.  It is exercise, it gets the blood pumping, it lessens depression, increases energy gets muscles being used, takes in fresh air, sunshine and is passive company.
6.  Listen to them, cry with them, let them talk about their loved one.
7.  Ask about their loved one.  Call their name.  Say something nice about them or bring up a memory if you have one.
8. Send them comfort - hot chocolate, tea, their favorite cookies, bath salts, warm slippers, good chocolate, a scented candle or a throw.  Give them something to help them care for themselves.
9. Make or buy them comfort foods.
10. Eat with them.
11. Take them to lunch or dinner.
12. Send them flowers several months later.
13. Watch a movie with them.
14. Help them start Journaling.
15. Help them with a scrapbook, or collage of photos
16. Go with them to the cemetery to place flowers.

These help.  I promise.  And all of these have been done for me and I have now done most for someone else.  And it helps.  It helps ME as much, if not more, than it does them.