So strangely enough, I found myself sitting in a GriefShare meeting this afternoon. Twelve years later. This time I was helping to lead a meeting. Never saw that coming.
I have certainly been grief support for many friends and mere acquaintances. But I never thought I'd actually be involved in any kind of GriefShare Leader Team. Especially in my church where I've spent the last ten years hiding my tremendous loss and even now have still told very few about our losses. Oddly enough I've told our new Pastor and his wife. Not the whole story although I may at some point, but I've told them and that is huge. I've also told two more church friends lately - I have no idea why after all this time - but I have.
We have had a lot of loss in our church family lately and the Pastor decided to try to start up a GriefShare ministry. It was after I told the Pastor about our loss and told him we had been through GriefShare that he asked me to lead a meeting. I told him I did not think I could lead one (since I have an absolute phobia about speaking to a group of people) but that I would be willing to co-lead and help him any way I could. Today was our first meeting.
It went well. I didn't talk really although I did very quickly share that I had lost my son, daughter-in-law and grandbaby as well as my sister two years ago. That's about all I said except that he actually asked me to say the ending prayer! Out loud! In a group of people! Like what part of "public speaking phobia" did he not get? I did it and survived. And I honestly, know God was in this because I felt none of the breathless panic and did not freeze up and I felt okay about it after.
And I even felt like maybe I could have spoken to them and maybe even have actually led the meeting! Why? Well, I wondered that too. And after much thought I realized why. I think it was because I was in my element. I don't know much but I know grief. We are well-acquainted. Intimate longtime friends. It has been my daily companion for the last twelve years.
I'm comfortable with grief. I am now the polar opposite of most people. Where most people encounter someone with a heavy loss and suddenly speaking to them gets awkward. They get tongue-tied and have a loss for words or worse, they avoid the person simply because they do not know what to say or how to approach them so when they see them, they, just bolt. Seriously. They do.
I do just the opposite. I run headlong into their grief like a fireman running into a blaze. I sit with them; talk to them; let them cry or cry with them. Most people just don't know what to say. They fear saying the wrong thing. They are afraid if they mention the loss or their loved one it will remind them of their loss and make them sad or make them cry. I know you can't make them suddenly remember their loss - because it has never left their mind for a second. I know you can't make them sad because they are already sad. And if they cry - so what? Grab a Kleenex and cry with them. So, I will ask the awkward questions because I now know they want someone to ask. They want to talk about it. They NEED to talk about it. They want to speak their loved-one's name. They want to hear it spoken. They want to know someone hears them; cares enough to ask and listens to the answers. They need that validation. And I feel literally drawn to them because I know what it's like to have no one to talk to. I know better than most what it's like to not be able to acknowledge my loss or have it validated. I know what "alone in your grief" feels like and it's awful. So, I go. I want to go. I want to love them, comfort them, share their sorrow and help carry any part of their burden that I can.
Not only do I want to give the comfort to them that I have received but I want to give them the comfort that I did not always receive.
So, we'll see where this leads.
