Today Kara would have been 40 years old. I'm certain she could have amazed people with that fact since I know she absolutely would not have looked her age. It has been ten years since we lost her and I still cannot believe that fact.
Had she been here to celebrate this milestone birthday, I'm sure she would have really enjoyed a funny 40th birthday party complete with Over The Hill balloons and a basket full of "old age" necessities like: Arthritis Strength Tylenol, denture cream, Preparation H, and some really thick ugly reading glasses. We would have had fun messing with her and she would have delighted in every minute of it.
I remember in 2013 she and I planned Brian's 40th and she had a ball thinking up all of the ugly 40 themed stuff we could do. From the Over The Hill cake to the walker placed in front of his chair. She had a delightful child-like sense of humor even while surprising us all with the level of maturity it took to take on two teenagers when they married.
Brian had his oldest when he was 18 and there were 11 years between he and Kara. That put her being stepmom to an 18-year-old when she was a babe herself at 24. I worried about that a lot. I did not see how on earth that would work. Ashley turned 13 less than two weeks after they married and two teenagers at any age is difficult - two teenagers that aren't yours at 24...impossible.
How would they respect her at her age? Would they resent her? Would they look at her as a kid too? They were valid concerns. It was, as they say, complicated. Ashley had basically grown up having only her dad when she was at his house. How would she do with another female in the house? Would she be jealous? Competitive? Resentful? Probably. It sounded like a disaster waiting to happen to me from the beginning. She would barely be old enough for teenagers today at 40 but 15 years ago. No. I'd lived a long time and seen a lot and I simply could not see it working out 30 days.
But as she tended to do from day one - she shocked me with her maturity, patience and determination. She took Ashley on like she was hers. She helped her paint her room with hot pink splatter paint and black and white decor. She colored and fixed her hair and showed her how to get the results she wanted with her hair when she fixed it herself. When she turned 13, she gave her a grown-up birthday party and bought her new cute teenage clothes and a little make up kit and showed her how to apply it. Instead of competition, I think Ashley saw her as a new 'big sister'. She looked up to her and depended on her for fashion and beauty advice. It was amazing to watch.
She seemed to know instinctively exactly how to win them both over by becoming their friend instead of a stepmom and authority over them. That is not to say that they still didn't give them both a fit - they did. They were still teenagers. Then I worried about her and what they were doing to her! I knew teenagers and their typical response to this situation, but they never seemed to blame her, dislike her or resent her or if they did, I never heard of it and never saw evidence of it.
When Paxton came along, she was so good with him. She was so careful about what she fed him. She didn't buy his baby food in jars, but instead got a food processor and cooked and made his baby food from fresh, preservative-free ingredients. She was kind, loving and patient with him. She sang to him and danced with him and enjoyed every minute of him. And though you'd think after thinking she'd never be a mother, that she would have been a little selfish with him never letting him leave her side, but she said she had had a wonderful childhood relationship with her grandparents and wanted the same for him. She said babies needed all the love they could get and she freely let us keep him and was the sole reason that we were able to enjoy him to the level we did.
I was never allowed to have that kind of relationship with any of my other grandchildren and was only allowed to see Brian's other two when he would bring them over and share his meager four days a month with us. I had the love of that baby absolutely because of her and her alone. And for that I am eternally grateful.
I love you. I miss you. I am so thankful for you. Happy 40th birthday Kara.
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